Shifting Depression

 OKAYYYY.............

These last few months have been really HARD on me. Like 8th grade Honors Math Hard. Entry level college calculus HARD!!!

With the help of a select few friends (yes I've lost a few along the way) and the "family" I have created, I have gotten through....but PLEASE trust me when I say this road has NOT been easy. Amidst the daily struggles of getting my mind to catch up with my body, giving my emotions a cease and desist order, lol, and trying to completely disable my heart from trusting another living soul on this planet.....I am exhausted. 

Coupled  with losing a great therapist who was strongly pushing me through my grief, being a FULL time SINGLE mother of TWO (2) kids under five, and dealing with the backlash, unwanted and unsolicited advice from those who either aren't parents, don't have kids of their OWN, or unknowingly speaking on situations they know nothing about (entirely), and dealing with relocating (will be discussed in an upcoming post), I am EXHAUSTED!!

I need new mo friends, a different outlet. I need ideas and advice please! How do yall deal with the high and low days? 

Besides the basic answers, what else can I do to help everyone's coping environment stay peaceful and in positive light? Open to suggestions 

What's Done in the Dark...

If you know then you know. To protect the stupidity and privacy of all persons involved, names will not be mentioned. 

Yall' 

Have you ever given a situation, a person, or a an event the time of day, knowing you're going to be disappointed, hurt, or completely shocked at the outcome....but still went ahead and endured it anyway? 

Have you ever trusted someone so much that even AFTER their multiple fuck ups, their constant deceit, their constant betrayal, you STILL gave them the benefit of the doubt? 

Like, as  much as  I want to be angry, and upset...I can't be. ALL I can do is chuckle about it and move on. Because it's no longer a surprise to me. I honestly can't make this shit up though!!!!!  EVEN AFTER I gave them multiple opportunities to come clean, be REAL, or whatever ABOUT THE SITUATION, you still sat in my face and lied. I called them out on the bullshit ass lie(s) they continued to tell, and warned them several times prior TO the actual incident, which didn't get found out until recently, 

Needless to say, I have every right to be upset. I am upset. More so disappointed, again. But still, relevant feelings, for an old situation, at this point. Even though I knew what the truth was, & evidence showed me what was real and what wasn't, me being stupid ass me, I still looked for the hope and success in this situation. For it to come back and slap me in the face, later, and not only being true to what I knew and allowing me to see, with an even clearer head, what I was supposed to see a long time ago. 

Needless to say: What's done in the dark, ALWAYS comes to light. 

If you thinking about doing something,or have done something to someone and your conscience has NOT yet started eating at you, or you KNOW before doing said stupid thing, just don't do it. Or at LEAST consider the overall picture, those directly involved, and those to be affected by the situation once it BLOWS UP in your face. 

I'm grateful for my change in perception. I'm also grateful for my new journey, away from the negativity, lies, deceit, blatant disrespect, emotional and mental abuse....and all the draining negativity that came with.....well, that I allowed myself to endure a while ago. The lesson in this is that I am healing, and learning what is acceptable and what isn't. I'm grateful that I can laugh about this now. Cause bayyyyyybay.......when I tell you it could have been volatile.....trust me when i say..... 

Mood Swings

Hey yall,  
I don't know what's wrong with me as of late, but I honestly feel like I am trapped in an emotional time warp and about to explode from frustration, sadness, irritability, and lack of....ya know...intimacy.  To be honest, though, the not getting any, at all, from anyone, nor wanting to or having the desire to pleasure myself...I can actually deal with. To be honest, it's how I realized I was actually focusing on myself more. If ANYBODY who know me, or has known me knows I am a very sexual, intimate, passionate, person. 

Lately, not so much. 

Cool. I'm not toooo worried about that! 

Everything else though! Aaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhh! (Dramatics sighs) 

 I'm about to lose what little bit of marbles I have left. I'm trying so hard to let things come to pass without really interfering with my cards. But I also cannot help that I am a perfectionist, I have O.C.D REALLY bad; I am a realist, and a perpetual planner. I overthink, over compensate, and over achieve. It's sad, really! But I've been like this all of my life. I do not like sitting om y ass. I do not like feeling helpless. I do not like depending on things to fall in place, as they may. I like results that I can physically touch, or have a hand in changing. 

Is that weird? Am I looking at things to much? How do i manage to keep everything together without going bat shit crazy? 

New Beginnings

 Hey Yall!

Happy September! 

As we welcome cool vibes, calmer colors, warmth, Pumpkin Spice, and hoodies, (my FAVORITE time of year), let's refresh, cleanse, and release ourselves from this year's past traumas, let downs, failed relationships, bad jobs, emotional entanglements. Let's reprogram and refresh ourselves, and gear up for the last three months of the year! 

AS we bring the tumultuous and troublesome year of 2021 to a close, what would you have done differently? What would you change? What would you take notes on/pay more attention to? What would you have approached or executed differently? 

Looking forward, what are you excited to accomplish? Is there a new business venture you're looking to launch? Are you about to get married? Are you planning any vacations? Are you expecting? Is there a new career or job opportunity? Are we settled in school? 

Yall talk to me! I wanna know what's going on in the world? 

When You're Over It

I NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR gave up on a partner I've dealt with. I TALKED, begged, pleaded, negotiated, etc...to no end. My goal was TO FIX CERTAIN THINGS and when it didn’t get fixed I LEFT; plain & simple. Nobody is going to repeat THEMSELVES EVERYDAY nor are people going to wait forever to get what they DESERVE. The most selfish and manipulative thought process a person can have, is to think you can treat people any kind of way and expect them to be there( saying that’s love and loyalty), then when they leave you say they gave up on you. Face facts...you didn’t apply yourself, for what you thought you were ready for. Keep it real with yourself, if nothing else💯‼️ It only seemed like I NAGGED and WHINED BECAUSE I CARED. Newsflash: once I stop caring it’s over ‼️

Thank you!

Hi Guys! 

I just wanted to quickly say thank you! Even though it's a brand new blog, and there isn't much posted, the energy and love I'm getting from one post is CRAZY! I've got so many shares, and have seen it or it has come to my attention! And I live love love the outpouring of aggreance on that particular topic! 

Please feel free to drop ideals or topics you'd love for me to speak on. I will try my HARDEST to get to everyone. 

Again, thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for the support! Make sure you share my blog with your friends, family, co-workers, etc! Love you all. Thank you.