DISCLAIMER❗❗This is not your average story. I am not about to sugar coat or hide anything. I am a very transparent person. I have spent much time, emotion, energy, and life into being able to experience what I am allowed to experience, present day.
The beginning of this story isn't your average beginning. So,we'll start with a cool fact. I'm a brat!
Hahahahaha.....Funny right? Seriously though, I'm the product of two military parents, making me a military brat. (Go figure, right)? I was born in Fort, Ord, California, near base or on base. I have traveled the world early, and experienced different cultures from a very young age. I could technically say I'm multilingual, but that's a joke, and a yeah right!!! (None of which I remember clearly, except very blurry memories, certain phrases, and weird tastes). I can remember snow, bright lights, beautiful sunsets, and traffic. So, not as eloquently as in the movies, and other narratives play it out. I can't remember any of those early life details. I really wish I could. Would be an awesome thing to brag about, though, right? I have the memory of the stories, that I have been told; but I just cant remember anything.
My parents were hard working service members, United States Army. By the time I was able to process information, age appropriate, of course, I was 2, and I knew Mommy lived in California, and Daddy lived with the pretty trees (the Spanish Moss), and lakes, and boiled peanuts. I grew up with two different cultures, two different mannerisms, two different ways of thinking. One loud, bright, fun, explorational celebration, and one quiet, quaint, and strict, more traditional setting. But on both sides, I was taught respect, honor, courage, honesty, love, Faith, and religion. I grew up loving basketball and volleyball, gymnastics and hating hockey and baseball. I used to sing and play tennis, run track. Realizing that I cannot stand BBQ or good ole Southern food. I enjoy Mexican. My favorite is Italian. I enjoy fresh juices, and can gorge out on Coca-Cola (remember reference later). I can appreciate and thoroughly enjoy walks in the park or on the beach. I can happily admit, that I am WEIRD, to say the least, lol. I'm properly balance, though to. Very diverse. Very in tune and observant. Very intuitive. That's just me.
Anyway...lost myself there a little bit. I can be a bit long winded......
At that time, I had both sets of grandparents, and I was able to experience things that most children could only dream about, regardless of creed, religion, or status. I was happy and healthy. And I was living, what I thought was a basic, "normal" life. From what I DO remember, I was close to both my parents. Of course, I had a different relationship, with each of them. I was my daddy's little girl, his princess. (At least, that's how I had it in my mind, lol). I was my mother's best friend...so I thought. Again, I do not remember much of my childhood, before the age of 8. We were close, like most mother's and daughter's are expected to be; in my eyes, my mommy was the coolest! To me, she was brave, strong, had the most beautiful smile, infectious laughter! She was a force to be reckoned with, and did not play, but she was my (S)hero. We fussed, and we disagreed, but with my maternal grandparents, (her mother and father), and my Uncle, (her brother), I can honestly say I was spoiled rotten. (generally the case). I was the FIRST!!!! First child, first grandchild, first niece. I basically got anything. Not bragging, just, ya know, saying....
That quickly changed when my younger sister came along, in January of 1999. In the months leading up to my sister being born, I now can see where it all began to unfold. Within this time of new transition, something in the dynamic of my family, changed. There wasn't as much love. There were higher levels of tension. There were clear signs of past trauma, and pain, resurfacing, and being cycled into the next generation (me) of raising a child. More arguments began to occur. More hostility, harsh and obscene words were spoken onto a child that, in my defense, shouldn't have had to experience. More profanities being spewed. Physical violence began to occur. More vile and hateful punishments....just more and more misery. To a child who seemingly had it all, my life went from being "perfect" to the exact opposite. (None of which, then, I could or would even BEGIN to understand). I just noticed that it was a lot more, unhappiness, bitterness, resentment, hate, and loathing as I began to grow, and learn. When it came to me, it was cold, unwelcoming, a feeling of un-want, that I tried so hard to fight against. But, it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't change the hate, or disappointment, or whatever it was that had turned my mother against me, off.
I sought refuge and happiness, joy, love, and comfort from my grandparents. I loved them with all my heart. Unfortunately, when all of this began, I was losing my grandmother, to cancer. It was not an easy thing. I experienced a lot of pain really early, and all at one time. I never properly healed from that. I want to though, and I will.
Starting now.